What My Addiction Wants

by Leon B.

While attending Extended Aftercare, Inc. and other meetings, centers and fellowships, the idea of what was lost often comes into conversation. I have never made mention of these losses because, it was always emphasized in meetings that these weren’t lost but, given away.

When I give something away I generally stop considering these things mine anymore. Thereby removing all thought of having to miss them. Many times mention of family; children, parents, wives/husbands and close relatives are thrown into the pot. Then things like jewelry, T.V.’s, cars, homes, furniture, and the likes, are considered among the offerings. Are these the things that my addiction wants? I don’t recall my family saying, “We’ll just go to the dealer and liquor store until you’ve had enough.” Or, “If you die in the midst of all this, we’ll be at the dealer’s house. Thanks for the devotion.” As a matter of fact, they’re doing just fine.

What does my addiction want?!

It doesn’t want my wife/husband, it doesn’t want my brothers and sisters, mom/dad, and it doesn’t want my children. In fact, they’re an unruly bunch so, no, not even them. My addiction has the need for material things but, while it eats me alive, a little music won’t hurt. No, my addiction doesn’t want any of these things but, for an appetizer, they’ll suffice. My addiction doesn’t even want me. What it really wants is my soul. Something pure and infallible, with the sweet essence of humility, as its value. My addiction wants my soul so that I will TOTALLY belong to it. My addiction wants to separate me from all I was meant to be. My addiction will not stop until I return to my maker but, WILL take all those people and things in its efforts. And if it gets what it really wants, it will take my body as a dessert. That’s what my addiction wants!